The Angry Magic Duck Brigade

He's angry! He's magic! He's a duck!

Friday, October 01, 2004

Ombudsmanship, y'all (the "Why you been gone so long?" edition)



Howdy, y'all. A Picture of Elvis Inscribed to June Carter Cash here, the official ombudsman of this here bloggertronic interweb diary thingy. The main man A.M. Duck has been on hiatus for a bit, and frankly, he's a mite peeved that no one's been wonderin' what happened to him. So today's complaint is from none other than the Head Duck himself. Take it away, boss:

Dear A.P.o.E.I.t.J.C.C.--

What the frizzle is this nonsense? Freelz! Here I am stuck in a got-damn bomb shelter in Florida for a month and a half (long story, the point of which being that while Lauren Graham is both hot and scarily good at predicting the weather, her hurricane prediction was a month off, and the thought of spending a month and a half stuck in a bomb shelter with her, while initially appealing, is most defs a BAD IDEA, schnapps and wreck-o-nize and all that jazz) and when I finally get out I expect to see some news crews or a fricking candlelight vigil or a parade or a Sting-organized rescue-effort-funds-raising all-star jam (title suggestion: "Where the Duck?") or SOMETHING, and all I get is my feathers tousled by some damn tropical storm bushwah. Peppermint schnapps! And after I finally waddle my way to an internet cafe to check out the Brigade--SURELY, I thought, there would be an outpouring of tearful missives asking what happened to their precious idol who is, yea, like unto a god to them--I discover that I have 0 comments! Zero! Comments! Not even that dude who thinks I don't know who the Ramones are bothered to chime in with a victory dance. Freelz! What the duck is wrong with you seakrons? When I get back to LA I am gonna be so pissed. Right now I'm hitching a ride with Diddy and Fonzworth cross-country as we Cock the Vote out to a bunch of yokels all over this great country. Freelz, who decided that Arkansas should get a say in the election? Yo, my T-Mobile Sidekick (I'm hoping if I plug them, they'll send me money) is about to run out of batteries, so I gotta cut this off. You best watch out when I get home, Elvis, because I'm blaming this whole debacle on your bloated, dead-ass head. Wreck-o-nize!

Hugs and kisses,
Angry Magic Duck


Well, this ombudsman has nothing to say. I am properly chastised but good. As soon as I figure out what "seppuku" means, I think I'm going to commit it. Anybody spare a quarter for a peanut butter and banana sandwich?

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