Grey Lady on my jock

I was just swingin' on the flippity-flop at Stately Duck Manor this morning when some cob-nobbler from the New York Times called me up to get juicy tidbits for his "Blogging Lexicon" story. I told him to stop being such a lamestain and hung that shit up, cuz me and my main squeeze Lori Petty had some serious bizness to attend to. If you know what I mean!

But after I hit that sweet Tank Girl ass, I thought about how the world could really benefit from my knowledge of all the hip happenin' lingo we throw around here in the Cyberblogotron. But fuck the NYT--I'm keepin' it reals for all my quackaz on the metaphorical street. Next time you're at one of those cool Blogga parties I don't get invited to, here's all you need to say to pretend like you're in the know.

Ezekiel Stankentino | The coolest guy in the room.

Gyllicious | Hot in an adorably shy yet kinkily self-mutilating way, like Maggie Gyllenhaal in Secretary. Near-synonym: dunst (self-explanatory, but not to be confused with durst, which is explicated further here and here).

John Murphy's Wife | An attractive female bassist, or, by extension, any attractive female.

Quacka (pl. quackaz) | Everybody who isn't me. Can be used amicably ("You're my quacka") or pejoratively ("Quack you, quacka!").

Schnapps! | Signifies when someone makes an incisive or witty comment about/to a seak. Can be emphasized with the addition of peach or peppermint or, if you're in Russia, potato.

Seak (abbrev. form of Seacrest) | A douchebag, especially one with a stupid haircut or annoying catchphrase. Wreck-O-Nize!

Wreck-O-Nize! | The preferred way to end a communique. Like saying "Over," only without that meth-addled truck-drivin' 1975 CB-radio nonsense. Wreck-O-Nize!