Many apologies, loyal Duck-watchers, for my extended leave of absence from this, my own personal pond here in the Cyberblogotron. Here's what happened: my new squeeze Lauren Graham asked me to accompany her on a whirlwind sex tour of Europe and the Orient, and I, being a gentlemanly duck, had no choice but to say yes. And oh, what wonderful sex we had, in all four corners of the globe.
But I'm back now, and I figure it's high time you, faithful readers, got to know A.M. Duck a little better. So I'm answering the Proust questionnaire, thanks to Gojira and The Unofficial John Westmoreland Memorial Tribute Webring.
1. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Being apart from Lorelai Gilmore's sweet, sweet ass.
2. Where would you like to live?
In Stars Hollow, fictional home of Lorelai Gilmore.
3. What is your idea of earthly happiness?
A whirlwind sex tour of Europe and the Orient with Lauren Graham, TV's Lorelai Gilmore.
4. To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
I have no faults, unless perfection is a fault.
5. Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Lord Asriel, Lucifer, the ducklings in Make Way for Ducklings
6. Who are your favorite characters in history?
Schroedinger, Torquemada, Audobon
7. Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
Dorothy Parker, Elizabeth Bishop
8. Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Lorelai Gilmore, Lyra Belacqua, Lee Holloway, Tank Girl
9. Your favorite painter?
10. Your favorite musician?
11. The quality you most admire in a man?
The ability to stay the fuck outta my bizness.
12. The quality you most admire in a woman?
The quality of being Lauren Graham, TV's Lorelai Gilmore.
13. Your favorite virtue?
14. Your favorite occupation?
The American Indian Occupation of Alcatraz Island, 1969 - 1971
15. Who would you have liked to be?
16. Your most marked characteristic?
My ginormous bill
17. What do you most value in your friends?
Their sweet asses
18. What is your principle defect?
My consuming obsession with TV stars and their sweet, sweet asses
19. What is your dream of happiness?
See #3 above.
20. What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
TV's Lorelai Gilmore dumping me for some C-list dipshit like what's-his-name from The OC.
21. What would you like to be?
Dictator-for-life of the moon.
22. In what country would you like to live?
23. What is your favorite color?
24. What is your favorite flower?
The moth orchid
25. What is your favorite bird?
The noble duck
26. Who are your favorite prose writers?
Robert McCloskey, Philip Pullman
27. Who are your favorite poets?
John Milton, Denis Johnson
28. Who are your heroes in real life?
I have no heroes, for the only idol I worship is myself.
29. What are your favorite names?
Angry Magic Duck, Lorelai, Spanky McTubewhizzle
30. What is it you most dislike?
31. What historical figures do you most despise?
Any figures I despise are soon to be historical, yunnowhumsayin? Schnapps!
32. What event in military history do you most admire?
I liked it when those guys kicked those other guys' asses.
33. What reform do you most admire?
When my dad stopped smoking crack
34. What natural gift would you most like to possess?
The power of flight--oh wait, quack you, quackaz! I already got it!
35. How would you like to die?
Crushed by sex
36. What is your present state of mind?
Hopped up on goofballs
37. What is your motto?
"Schnapps! Peppermint schnapps!"